i am seeing that i don't always want to transform. i have been inauthentic in my portrayal of myself as fully actualized, and excited about my path here.
i am pissed, and dejected. i am angry that i haven't been honored, or respected.
i have let myself down, and projected what i want out of what my spouse wants. i am in need of exploration in myself.

i have been projecting waht i "want" out of fear of what i don't want, and these are just monsters in my closet.